Compare and contrast the self-cultivation philosophies in Buddhism and Yoga, especially the Buddha’s Eightfold Path and Patañjali’s Eight Limb Program (making clear the similarities and differences). Then explain what contemporary….
Negative Effects of social media
Need a Final Draft/ Revision of this argumentative essay I wrote. Here is the feed back from a peer review and my teacher.
“Social media is definitely a double-edged sword. For businesses (especially small businesses), it has been a wonderful tool to promote the company. For celebrities, especially internet celebrities like Markiplier, it has provided a simple way to reach out to fans. On the other hand, there are all the problems mentioned in your paper, and it has also contributed to a new flood of misinformation, fake news, etc. It has also given everyone a simulated “microphone” so to speak that enables everyone to speak their minds, mostly without direct consequences; we say things to people online that we would never say face-to-face. As with everything, moderation is key. I have seen firsthand that my dad seems happier when he is taking a break from Facebook.
All around, this is a good paper, and your points are made very clearly. For suggestions, I would recommend perhaps proofreading your work out loud. There are a few incomplete sentences (like the last sentence of the second paragraph on Page 2) that should be joined with the previous sentence. For example, try “<link is hidden> people in their peer group and celebrities, which causes them to judge and question their own appearance.”
If you want to add rhythm and perhaps a pause to the reading, I would recommend a dash.
For example, instead of “<link is hidden> had never received a notification in the first place. And your phone never vibrated either.”
Try “<link is hidden> had never received a notification in the first place—and your phone never even vibrated!”
Lastly, there are a few simple typos throughout, but not too many. Other than that, this seems like a good paper to me.