Negative Effects of social media

Need a Final Draft/ Revision of this argumentative essay I wrote. Here is the feed back from a peer review and my teacher.

“Social media is definitely a double-edged sword. For businesses (especially small businesses), it has been a wonderful tool to promote the company. For celebrities, especially internet celebrities like Markiplier, it has provided a simple way to reach out to fans. On the other hand, there are all the problems mentioned in your paper, and it has also contributed to a new flood of misinformation, fake news, etc. It has also given everyone a simulated “microphone” so to speak that enables everyone to speak their minds, mostly without direct consequences; we say things to people online that we would never say face-to-face. As with everything, moderation is key. I have seen firsthand that my dad seems happier when he is taking a break from Facebook.

All around, this is a good paper, and your points are made very clearly. For suggestions, I would recommend perhaps proofreading your work out loud. There are a few incomplete sentences (like the last sentence of the second paragraph on Page 2) that should be joined with the previous sentence. For example, try “<link is hidden> people in their peer group and celebrities, which causes them to judge and question their own appearance.”

If you want to add rhythm and perhaps a pause to the reading, I would recommend a dash.
For example, instead of “<link is hidden> had never received a notification in the first place. And your phone never vibrated either.”
Try “<link is hidden> had never received a notification in the first place—and your phone never even vibrated!”

Lastly, there are a few simple typos throughout, but not too many. Other than that, this seems like a good paper to me.

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