Children should not be spanked in order to discipline them for a negative behavior
Children are like plants. If plants are handled carefully and nicely then they will grow healthy and will give more flowers. Similarly, if children are treated well then they will become good persons in future. If a person is happy in his childhood, he will remain happy throughout his life, as the foundation of human is childhood. Children need extra attention when they are young. Parents play an important role in the young age of child. Child’s behavior depends on parents’ behavior. Instead of spanking their children, parents should convince them by telling them what is right and what is wrong through meaningful stories. I strongly believe that spanking is dangerous and can affect children’s mental and physical health, their education and can cause many other emotional problems in future. Children can become violent and aggressive by spanking. If a child is beaten when he is young, the effect will remain on his mind forever. Spanking and other forms of punishment can block the goal of the child. If children’s behavior is controlled by spanking then it is possible that they will carry on this mode of interaction into other relationships with family and friends. When they’ll grow up they will carry out the same technique in their own parenting (Marshall, 2002). Many parents think that spanking a child will make him more discipline. However this is not the case. In reality spanking may lead to a kind of behavior in the child that they would never expect.
Spanking has very harmful effects which do not show up until later. Children start thinking that it’s all right to take out anger on others and hit people. This makes them hitters themselves. They learn that when there is a problem you solve it with a good swat. They fight with others if they don’t get what they want. They become more and more aggressive as they grow old and take out their aggression by beating others and destroying things. Parent’s behavior during the punishment leaves as great an impression on the child’s mind as the punishment itself. Spanking confounds the child from learning how to resolve the conflict in efficient manner. A punished child becomes engaged with thoughts of irritation and fantasies of revenge, and is hence deprived of the chance to learn helpful methods of solving problem (n.d., 2002, 33). During spanking a child feels powerless as he cannot fight back. It is a situation when a child will always feel helpless to defend themselves. Children who are frequently spanked may be prone to bullying others. They may also internalize frustration, and start hurting themselves. The thing that strikes a child’s head after punishment is the pain. He will question the idea that why he is being spanked, whether he deserves it or not. If he thinks he doesn’t, then contempt settles and child loses respect toward parents. He possibly will stop listening to others and do what he thinks is right. Children who are punished frequently are also weak at studies. Thus, spanking makes a child educationally weak (Wyckoff & Unell, 1984).
Spanking builds fear in children. It pertains to emotional/ verbal punishment as well. Scolding and tongue lashing can actually damage a child more psychologically. Emotional abuse can be very dangerous (Wyckoff & Unell, 1984). A child can touch on his worst fear if he is threatened to cooperate. Often parents use threats of abandonment by telling the child that they can’t stand being with him and refusing to speak to him. A child sees that how others perceive him. Punishment gives a confusing message to a child who is too young to understand the reason of it (Samalin & Whitney, 2003). Parents spend a lot of time teaching their children how to be disciplined, then a child breaks something, they are spanked and they feel that they are wrong. Scars on the mind last longer than scars on the body. Sometimes children react nicely only to ask for a mercy. “If I will respond well, he will stop hitting me”. If punishment is repeated frequently, a child gets a message that he is weak. He might start cheating and telling lies to avoid any kind of physical and emotional punishment.
Hitting children in order to discipline them from negative behavior do not improve their behavior, instead it worsens the behavior. If a child starts feeling that he is right then he will do what he wants to do. A child misbehaves because when he is hit he feels bad and he lets his frustration out by misbehaving. Every time the child misbehaves, he is punished harder because parents don’t know any other alternatives and immediately come into the punishment mode when he misbehaves. Spanking is often ineffective because during and after the punishment, the child is so preoccupied with the injustice of spanking that he forgets the reason why he was punished (Marshall, 2002). Parents who spank their children feel devalued. They often yell and scold their children because they find it easier but they feel weaker when they find out that it doesn’t work. Hence, spanking devalues parents’ role. Instead of being trusted and valued, they are feared and a child loses respect for them. It creates distance between parents and child. Spanking sets the stage of child mistreatment.
Children are innocent. They absorb whatever they see happening. They are dependent upon others to protect them. They will make errors and they will fail. But they can only succeed if they are allowed to try new things. Instead of punishing and spanking them for making mistakes, parents should teach them what they want from them. Parents should discipline a child by laying down healthy boundaries. They should examine their parenting style, whether they are fulfilling all the needs of their child or not. Proper attention should be given to a child by both parents. Parents should find out alternatives other than spanking. Sometimes you just need to calm down and take a deep breath. At times parents spank their child because are stressed out. You should take a timeout until you feel out of stress. It’s essential to tell your child that there is an option to spanking which is acceptable (Samalin & Whitney, 2003). Give choices to a child. If a child is misbehaving or fighting while playing, ask logical questions and clarify logical consequences like, “Would you like to behave well and stop fighting with others or would you like to go in your room and play alone?” Parents should teach their children what they expect from them instead of only telling them. A lot of times, parents only notice children’s negative behavior and ignore the things they do well. Praising and rewarding children on their positive behavior is a strong way of setting desired behavior in children. It’s important to set rules and regulations for your children and parents may reward children on their positive response. If a child continues misbehaving, instead of spanking him, send him alone in another room, telling him that he can come back soon when he will calm down. And in the end set limits, tell your child what you allow and what will make you angry. Give your child time restrictions, this helps the child to finish on time and may prevent a tantrum.
Wyckoff, J., Unell, B. Discipline without shouting or spanking: practical solutions to the most common preschool behavior problems. Meadowbrook Books. (1984).
Marshall, M. Why Spanking Doesn’t Work: Stopping This Bad Habit and Getting the Upper Hand on Effective Discipline. Cedar Fort. (2002).
Samalin, N., Whitney, C. Loving Without Spoiling: And 100 Other Timeless Tips for Raising Terrific Kids. McGraw-Hill Professional. (2003).
N.d. “Major study links Spanking of children to later aggression and behavior problems.” JET. (15th July 2002): 33.